Childhood desires

One of the desires that I had as a child was to be fully a female never a male always wanting everything that girls had to everything from a prom dress to my first period I have always wanted these things and those desires have not eased up or have not ended yet one thing that I know for sure I was meant to be a girl as I look back over the time when I would see the actresses on television I would idolize the female characters everyone from Sally Fields to Marlo Thomas and even to Emma samms I would look at them and ask myself what would it be like to look alike cuz them what would it be like to be them what would it be like to have their anatomy and I think to myself what it would have been like if I hadn't had the opportunity to of door a child and carried it to full term inside my body as I go on this journey from male to female in the transition I come to grips with a lot of the things that have packs passed by in my life I've come to grips with the losses in my life from people the losses of things but in we this whole issue I'm not lost one thing my perspective of being a woman wanting and desiring everything that a woman would want I still wrestle with the issues of being taught religiously that this is a sin and this is something that should not have ever happened that this is something that I can control and I can not control being transgender is something that you cannot control it is a part of who you are and one of the desires that I have is to be able to go to church being myself 100% as Cheryl Deann Neal and not by my dead name so to sum up this blog I have many desires that needs to be fulfilled and many desires that will probably never be fulfilled